FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
