WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
