I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
