the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
