I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
