I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
