Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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