I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I intend to get homeless drunk
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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