i need an iv and a liver transplant
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
