I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
