nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
