so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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