Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
