i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
