i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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