Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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