I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
