she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
