There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
