make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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