Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
