Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Go christen that room with your naked body.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
