you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
