Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
