i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
