I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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