someone threw a dead crab at me
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Randomize
