I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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