I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
