Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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