Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
