Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
