this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
