After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
