maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
