WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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