I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
