I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
