That's intense
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
