I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
