you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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