I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Text me some of your sweat
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
