K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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