I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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