hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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