so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
