Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
