I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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