At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
