they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
